The Fall From Grace
by Starry Nights
Summary: “Ever had that feeling like things were too good to be true? That’s the calm before the storm feeling...Calm and collected before the trouble begins.” Tommy Pickles
1. Falling

**AN:** As we all know, I have dozens of pieces sitting...catching dust and staring me in my face but life is cruel. It's unexpected, it gets in the way, it has walls and mountains and it's fabulous in it's own way. However, tonight (because it's 3:25 in the morning) I was reading some (okay, a lot) of stories on ffnet and I got inspired. So I supposed I have those stories to thank for getting me off mine and writing fanfics again.

**AN2:** Sorry for the long author's note but I forgot to describe the story. It's about Tommy, of course. In case, you're new to my writing then read this if not skip this and head to the story. I like to write about Tommy because he has so many possibilities in my head but I love to write about him as the "All-American" and then falling from grace privately so this story will be no different. (This story will alter from present to past in strictly Chuckie, Angelica and Tommy's point of view. Assume they're all around 17-20) If I am lucky, I will have this done before this weekend is over. Next weekend at the latest.

**The Fall From Grace**

_Everyone has feet of clay but people are put on pedestals. _

_They fall with no one standing arms wide open._

_And it hurts so much more than the fall_

–Tommy Pickles

Perfection.

He symbolized perfection. Everything he did, he had to be perfect. He had to outdo himself and in time he became his own worst enemy. His facade, however, was brilliant. Bold, handsome, smart and dazzling Tommy Pickles. He had everything, it seemed. A wonderful family, a great group of friends, a 4.0 grade point average and one of the most beautiful girl claiming him as her boyfriend. He was star-quarterback with a powerful arm that was destined to take him places.

He was a small town hero before the age of 18.

"Is that what you think of me?"

She laughed. "Darling, that's what everyone _else_ thinks of you."

"Do they?"

She laughed again. Deep, low and sensual. "Of course, of course. But that doesn't matter now."

"Why not?"

"Because you have two pills sitting in your right hand."

I chuckled. She brushed that red hair away from her eyes. Fiery red like Chuckie and Dil with a mix of blonde like Angie though Angie's color was better. I swallowed the pills dry and fixed my eyes on her again. "What else could you possibly know about me?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"Then that's your problem."

New Age thinking...the throbbing subsided and I fixed my eyes on her again. She smirked. "Feel better?"

"Lots." I got up and walked toward the window. It was midnight. Clear, not a star in the sky and I felt lonely. I needed Chuckie and Angie. I told her this and she frowned. "No, you don't."

"The hell I don't!" my eyes met hers but she looked at me her eyes never faltering. "Bullshit! I don't need this. I can go home. I can walk out of here. No problem."

"Yeah? Of course you could, I wouldn't stop you but remember Charles and Angelica were the ones that brought you here but if you couldn't finish the program then go home. Reach underneath your pillow, take that bottle and walk out for it's obvious that you couldn't make it with out those pills and you would have failed."

Failure.

Of course, I stayed. Though I could have walked out but she stopped me in my tracks. My worst fear...failure. Angie and Chuckie knew that too. Your biggest test yet, a chance to see if you could walk out of here without the pills. They said as my palm shook and my head throbbed. You walk away...you fail and if you walk out...you win. They hadn't told anyone. Though, I wanted to know how they would manage to explain leaving with three and returning with two.

So I sat.

And I stayed.

---

"The thing is," I heard myself say. "I didn't see it in the beginning."

She looked up almost abruptly. Her green eyes flashed with a bit of surprise before they fixed on me with her usual expression of indifference and mockery. I was surprised myself. Not once in the ten days that I have been in this "special care facility" did I speak about myself. Angie handled that part while Chuckie described my 'problem'

"What do you mean?"

I sat back down. "I don't know."

The smallest sigh escaped her painted lips. At that point, I wished I wasn't in this place but in a regular rehab center. I didn't understand this place at all. It was weird and abstract but for some reason I couldn't leave. Like I was being forced to stay.

"Angie used to say that my hidden problems made up for my perfection," I wanted to stop myself but I continued. "How can perfect people have problems? I asked her. Don't you know, she said while handing me a drink, perfection is measured by how well you can hide your problems."

Her pen was poised over the endless sheets of yellow paper. "What are your hidden problems?"

I smirked like she so often did at me. "If I knew that then would I be here?"

"Yes."

"How so?"

She gestured out of my window. "You could have their problems."

I didn't know what to say about that so I continued. "Phil hated me, I think. I caught him a few times. Glaring...sulking."

"Who's Phil?" she asked softly as if she didn't want to break my speech.

"My best friend. I thought he was at least." I forced out a weak chuckle. "Do you know I'll be 18 next month, August 2? My birthday is last, if you don't count Dil, and Phil would celebrate as if..."

"As if?"

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter now."

**---**

I didn't say much after that though I wanted to. I wondered how much Angie had told her since she pretty much knew everything. Maybe out of everyone, I hurt her the most because she knew how bad it actually was

"What do you mean by that?"

"I didn't know I said that out loud."

"It was a whisper but I heard it." she paused and let another little sigh escape. The frustration was getting to her.** "**Tell me your story, Tommy. Make me understand."

"Understand what?"

"What it was...is to be you."

My laugh was hollow. Emotionless. The real world was waiting for me out there and I was set to conquer it by storm. I was ready to set the world on fire because I could do no less. Yet...Chuckie and Angie shut me up here, in this place, because of one problem that was hell bent on destroying my world. However, no one knew. No one even suspects. But I didn't say any of this. I let my mind wander as she kept her eyes trained on me.

"Tommy?"

"I'm a small town boy with big dreams. I was given enough talent to last my whole life through. If I put my mind to it, I can do great things and close my eyes every night and feel satisfied." I handed her a small clipping from the newspaper. She picked it up and smiled softly. She was becoming too involved. Her face betrayed every rational training she had been taught as she continued to read her saddened voice echoing in the dark blue panels of my 'room'.

"And who in his right mind could hate him for it? For when he turns those blue eyes your way you can't help but feel his energy, his charisma and you hope with all your heart that he can stay this way and that he is not a dreamSo for all those out there who believe we 'townies' treasure this boy too much or that he too will fall off his pedestal, we will catch him before he breaks, place him back and make sure that his feet of clay is strong enough to hold what is truly great about him. Signed by The Town of Purchase, New York"

She looked up. "May I keep this?"

I nodded. "Do you know what the problem is, Justine?" I began as she turn to walk out of this very emotional situation. "Everyone has feet of clay but people are put on pedestals. They fall with no one standing arms wide open. And it hurts so much more than the fall**."**

"Did you write that?"

"Yes."

She nodded. "I will help you. I believe in that opinion column but you need someone who knows that clay can only support for so long. Do you understand?"

"I'm not sure."

"You need someone who knows that you will never be perfect. I hope you will walk out of here and into Notre Dame with that."

I smirked. "You'll have me out in less than a month?"

"I hope."

"How challenging for you."

"And you." She laughed. "Oh yeah, Tommy?"

"Hmm?"

"Those pills in your hand...throw them in the toilet. You wouldn't want to **fail** at this would you?"

"I never fail."

She nodded. "That's what I'm counting on."

**AN: **Okay, there it is! I know, it's probably confusing but I tried to be as clear as I wanted to be and I understood it but then again...I wrote it. Everything will be explain in due time. Remember it is late. Any questions, rants, raves, review? E-mail 'em to me or just review. As always... I'm _Starry Nights_


	2. The Calm Before the Storm Feeling

**Author's Note I: **I am surprising myself with my updating. Let's not question a good thing. Hopefully, I can update more often. Keep your fingers crossed!

**Author's Note II:** I hope the format stays. It needs to in order to understand this chapter.

**The Fall From Grace**   
**Chapter 2:  
****The Calm Before the Storm Feeling**

_The days are quite monotonous here. __Ever had that feeling like things were too good to be true? That's thecalm before the storm feeling...Calm and collected before the trouble begins. I find myself thinking of the same three things as I move from room to room. I wonder if Justine knows that I'm deliberately avoiding my room. _

_I think about Kimi._

_I think about Angie, Chuckie and the gang._

_I think about those pills._

_Surprisingly, all three are in my room. Within arms reach, the phone, my mail with Kimi's astonishingly tiny but precise handwriting and the pills are all in my room. Therefore, I avoid that place like the plague. I'm missing my home terribly but I find that I can't leave. I know deep down inside that it's wrong to think of those pills that are underneath the pillow and in my sock drawer in my room. The urge to walk out of here is strong again, so I pause and take another deep breath. _

_If thinking about those pills are on the same level with thinking about those people that I have known since I was walking around bald with my feet turned in then I should stay._

_I need to stay._

Denial.

"Stop it Chuckie!" Angelica screamed. Her voice was no longer threaded in sexy undertones. It was shrill and frantic. "Not my cousin."

"You see it, don't you? Admit it, Angelica."

She shook her head. Slowly at first then more frequently until she was screaming again. Chuckie closed his eyes then stepped to her. He wrapped his arms around her and sighed. "Damn it, Angelica. You knew."

She sobbed. "I didn't want to see it. I just…took his…excuses."

_And there were plenty of them. I had lists miles long on why I was still taking these painkillers even though all logic seemed to point to the fact that I didn't really need to. I wasn't surprised that Angelica and Chuckie were the first ones to find out. I wasn't even surprised to find out that they were the ones that were going to put me in rehab. But a few other things shocked me back into reality._

Angelica was semi-calm now. The room was awkward. Angelica was usually steel and Chuckie Finster witnessed her breakdown with just a simple sentence. 'I think we have a problem with Tommy'. She sniffled and settled into the chair. "Damn."

He tried to smile so this would be easier but there was no easy way around this. Therefore, the smile faltered and Chuckie was near tears himself. So he began to talk. "I don't think many people know. They just suspect something is wrong with him…like he's folding under pressure."

"I can't believe this is happening."

"We need to get him help."

Angelica met his green eyes with her steely blue ones. "Like rehab. No way!"

"Ange—"

"No."

_She knew me better than anyone. I would tell them what they wanted to hear. We became very close when out dads were almost killed in that car crash her freshman year. We spent every waking hour together supporting each other because even after all this time, our parents were still completely oblivious to our daily activities. This gave our group some comfort. We relied heavily on each other once we fully realized what this meant. We were in a way free…and that was dangerous._

"Angelica." Chuckie tried again.

She closed her eyes and began. "It's not that I'm being unreasonable but you know Tommy as well as I do. He will find a way out of those cheesy 'let's discover the root of the problem rehab'."

Chuckie nodded. "Good point."

Angelica shook her head. "I can't believe it Chuckie."

"Imagine how I feel then."

She met his eyes that were bright with unshed tears and she wanted to hug him then.

_Now that I think about it, it's probably Chuckie who was hurting the most. In his eyes, I was super human. He felt that he was better because of me. If you asked him about my greatest weakness at any point during our long friendship, I'm pretty sure he'd be pretty hard pressed to find one. _

"Now what?" She asked him.

_I'm also sure he doesn't realize what he does for the rest of us…especially me. He's sage-like with all of his wisdom and great advice. If any one of us, the guys especially, have a problem it's Chuckie we turn to. He's like the older brother we never had…but better._

Chuckie blinked the tears back. "We confront him."

"Jesus!"

"He needs to know we know."

"But he's stubborn. It's like a Pickles trait so I **know **what I'm talking about."

"I don't doubt that," he began with a small smile. "But it has to be done. Maybe it'll help because it's coming from us."

"Tonight then?"

Chuckie shook his head. "No. Tomorrow. He's with Kimi tonight."

_Kimi is special. I can't put it in any simpler terms. She knows me beyond the so-called fame and notoriety. She's not afraid to call on my mistakes and slap me on the back of my head when I deserve it. She watches scary movies and laughs at the scary parts with me. She eats as much as I do which is saying something because I eat very much like a football player and loves chili fries more than I do. She gives me soup when I'm sick and ices my aching muscles after every practice and game. Sometimes, I wonder if her list of the things I do for her is this long but the best thing about Kimi is that she would have our relationship no other way. Kimi is special._

"You don't mind, do you?" Phil was saying into his phone. "With you and football taking up so much of his time, I rarely see the boy and he lives right next door."

Kimi chuckled. "I get it Phil. It's fine. I saw him yesterday and I'll see him tomorrow after his practice. Send your sister my way though, I have massive amounts of cookie dough ice cream with her name on it."

"Uhh…maybe you should call her."

"Why?" Kimi questioned.

"Well, she just started her 'diet' and I don't want to be the one to tell her about the ice cream."

She chuckled again. "Punk."

"Okay," Phil began in a singsong voice. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

_Needless to say, I was shocked when he showed up at my doorstep. Don't get me wrong, Phil _**_was _**_one of my best friends but at that point…I had funny feelings about him. I caught him a few times sulking and glaring at me with so much rage mixed with pure hatred directed at me that I didn't feel comfortable around him. Angie called me on it and told me I was overreacting. I believed her but I caught him again staring at me with that same look in his eyes and I couldn't be alone with him anymore. That night, however, he showed up all smiles very much like the old Phil._

"Well…" He drawled out holding on to the l until the look of surprise on Tommy's face disappeared. "I was starting to think that you moved out."

Tommy laughed. "I can't say that I'm not surprised to see you because I am."

"I wanted it to be a surprise. I told Kimi that I should spend tonight with you."

More laughter. "Why Phil, I didn't think our relationship was ready for next level."

_There was that level of ease in our friendship again. The animosity was gone._

"I was there for your last game."

"Even though you hate football."

"Yeah. Well. You are my best friend." Here he paused for a moment. "Anyway, great job."

"Thank you."

_Awkward silence. He was watching me again but that menacing look was replaced by a concentration look as if he wasn't really looking at me but through me as if he was placing me somewhere in his mind. He nodded then and I felt my uneasiness grew. _

"Let's talk as if all this didn't matter." Phil said suddenly and seriously. "Before the football and the silly small town worshiping."

Tommy finally sat down. "Okay."

"Remember…when it was much simpler just easier."

Tommy stared at him straight in his eyes. "Sometimes, I wish it was that easy."

"Do you?"

His eyes never left Phil's brown ones. They never faltered. "Yes."

Suddenly, he smiled. "Well, let's make it that easy. I still have Space Mega Bots somewhere in my house. Bring some of that food that I'm sure you've got stashed in here and let's got to my place so I can remind you of the simpler times when I used to kick your butt in this game."

_He was giving me what I needed most. A chance to escape the pressure, to think about nothing except space bots and saving the King and Queen of Kubblaie. I got that escape from my friends Chuckie, Angie and Kimi but this was different. Phil was giving me a chance to be 12 year-old awkward Tommy. Chuckie always told me that it was impossible to live in the past to try and attempt fate and go back into time without any consequences or to live as if today never came. I knew that but didn't listen. Two bags of Doritos, one dozen donuts and 6 liters or (two bottles) of Pepsi later, we were deep into level 12 of Space Mega Bots when Chuckie's words hit me where it hurts the most. _

_When it's too late._

"Damn!" Phil muttered for what seemed like the millionth time since they started level 13 only two minutes ago. Level 12 left him amazingly wounded with enough to only last two space invasions. He needed an energy bar and fast. Tommy was already thrashing his way through his third invasion of this level and going strong. He sideswiped a mysterious looking blob that looked similar to the energy bars that they needed for strength just as Phil rushed up on it…and got invaded again.

"Damn!"

"Greedy." Tommy called him with a smile.

"Oh, go to hell."

He was sure that was meant as a joke and he was ready to reply when he turned to face him and saw that look that he had been avoiding for two months. Intense, ferial and full of pure untamed hatred. For the second time that night, the first being when he convinced Lil to run out and buy another 2 liter bottle of Pepsi, that look appeared ten times as intense as the instances from before but they disappeared before he could even comment or call him on it.

_At that point, I needed another pill…or to get the hell out of there. Either way, I was going to take a pill to soothe this pain that was creeping up in my mind. He was stressing me, toying with my emotions and my mind. The look hadn't even disappeared at that point except he was no longer looking at me. I made some flimsy excuse on why I had to leave and said I was going to come back even though I wasn't entirely sure that I was going to. That's when I saw it…three bottles just tempting me and toying with my emotions and I wanted them all._

"Painkillers?" Tommy asked as he was leaving.

"Huh?" Phil followed his gaze. "Oh, yeah. In basic twin tradition, Lil and I needed them 'cause we pulled out leg muscles lifting Mom's new gym equipment like three weeks ago."

"I didn't know that."

There was the look again but it disappeared as quickly as it came. "It wasn't that big of a deal. Then Mom had her tooth pulled and now we got these pills laying all over the house especially since she forgot them here when she went to her convention."

The pills were a 100mg more than mine…plus there were almost three full bottles.

"They look full."

"I'm fine. Lil hates them because they make her bloat and Mom hates that they give her no energy."

"Anyway, I'll be back."

"Now that you mention it, you could do me a real favor and just throw them out."

"Sure."

"Absolutely, we don't need them any more."

"Fine."

"Thanks."

_It's like he knew what he was doing. I took one of my regular pills when I finally rushed over to my place but those in my pocket were tempting me. So I corked opened one of Phil's and tossed one in my mouth. However, when I got back there I realized that one dose wasn't going to get me through the night. _

"So…tell me about Phil." She asked them.

_How to explain Phil? His own twin doesn't even know what's going on in his mind. They sat in Justine's office. Chuckie stoned face and smirking in the way I used to and Angie meeting her gaze dead on. They sat in that office because they couldn't know…and didn't know Phil's twisted side of this story. But they would because that's there way. They would ask him until he spelled his guts and he would. So right now it's the calm before the storm because I know once they leave…_

_"Are you sure?"_

_Of course I'm sure._

_Susie looked at me. I wonder if they know she knows. _

_"They don't know I know."_

_"Can you read minds?"_

_"I can read yours Tommy Pickles."_

_"How scary."_

_She chuckled. I realized how much I missed her too…the 'female version of me'. "Are you going to tell anyone?"_

_"Maybe when I get out."_

_"Okay." She got up to leave and I didn't want to see her go. She gave me confidence but I worried she would end up like me. _

_"Susie?"_

_"Don't worry, I'll try my best not to end up like you."_

_"We should be twins."_

_She smiles at me and taps the box she left for me on my bed. "See you next week, _**_brother._**_"_

**- - -**

**Author's Note:** I hope that was easy to understand…the format I mean. The chapter is a messy prelude to the juicy one I have coming up. It was meant to me semi-cryptic. Stay tuned for chapter three which is surprisingly already four pages deep. I like what this inspiration is doing for my updating. Read and review. It fuels my writer's soul. I'm Starry Nights


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